


Turning Points

by Luanna255



Category: D.N. Angel
Genre: Awkward Conversations, Banter, Character Development, Character Study, Coming Out, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Introspection, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-01
Updated: 2019-11-12
Packaged: 2020-05-31 12:40:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19426180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luanna255/pseuds/Luanna255
Summary: A series of pivotal moments as Satoshi and Daisuke come to terms with themselves and their feelings for each other.





	1. Confrontation

**Author's Note:**

> A big thanks to @flareontoast on tumblr for looking over this for me!

Satoshi had worked out a speech, by now.

“No, thank you,” he said, gently returning the letter to the girl in front of him. “I am flattered by your interest, but I’m afraid I simply don’t have time for things like dating.”

The girl in question - Aiko Takaya, notable to him only because her answers in class were usually fairly intelligent and he was relatively certain she was on some sort of sports team with the elder Harada twin - looked mildly disappointed, but she didn’t seem terribly surprised by his answer. That was natural, considering his history. Part of him wondered why anyone still bothered to ask.

“I guess I should have expected you to say that,” she said, sure enough. Then a hint of something mischievous flickered across her face and she added, almost teasingly, “Especially since, from what I’ve heard, you gave Minami-san that _exact_ speech when you turned her down last month.”

Satoshi merely shrugged. It was true - he had given that speech to everyone who asked him out for months, now. Perhaps she expected him to be embarrassed at having been caught out at it, but Satoshi frankly didn’t see why he should be. There was nothing he needed to tell Takaya that was different from what he had needed to tell Minami and the others. Why alter the phrasing just for variety?

At first he hadn’t had any sort of speech at all, simply turned down girls with a curt “I’m not interested,” or “I don’t have time for this,” or simply “No.” But lately, Daisuke had chided him for that, suggesting that he ought to be kinder in such situations.

“I know you don’t mean to, Hiwatari-kun,” he had said, his eyes wide and earnest in a way that Satoshi found dangerously persuasive. “But you really hurt some of their feelings. Even if you can’t say yes, you could try being nicer about it.”

And so Satoshi was trying. He had formulated a rote speech that, he hoped, was tactful and as close to truthful as he could get without coming out and saying “ _I’m terribly sorry, but I can’t run the risk of dating anyone when it might allow my homicidal alter-ego to gain control of my body and wreak havoc, and even if that weren’t the case, I happen to be head-over-heels in love with my predestined mortal enemy._ ”

Takaya couldn’t possibly read between any of those lines, of course, but there was still something uncomfortably knowing in her eyes as she answered his silence with a resigned nod. “Well,” she said. “I guess… that’s it. Thank you for… your honesty, Hiwatari-kun.”

Satoshi nodded back, not knowing what else to say. Situations like this made him exceedingly uncomfortable, and despite his frequent experience with them, he was only just beginning to navigate them with anything remotely approaching competence. Faced by any sort of emotional display, his instinct was still to freeze up and shut down.

Takaya turned to go, and Satoshi was just starting to relax slightly at the thought of the awkward encounter being over, when she turned back suddenly and hovered in front of him, a hesitant expression written on her face.

“Hiwatari-kun…”

What now? Surely they had said everything that needed to be? Satoshi forced back his rush of impatience, and did his best to keep his expression calm as she spoke.

“Hiwatari-kun,” Takaya repeated, her expression even more hesitant than before. “People… say things about you and Niwa-kun.”

Satoshi froze.

“… Yes?” he said, as coldly as he could manage. Any resolution to be nice to her had abruptly vanished in the face of the sudden, consuming panic gnawing at his chest.

It wasn’t that he had been totally unaware of the gossip, of course. He had heard the things his classmates would whisper sometimes, those foolish giggling girls whenever he and Niwa appeared to be in a moment of intimacy. But then, his classmates whispered and giggled over many people. He hadn’t given too much weight to it, convinced that it was simply fleeting teenage chatter.

For Takaya to bring it up like this, though, the rumors would have to be much more widespread - and taken far more seriously - than he had realized. And that was potentially dangerous.

“It’s just… ” Takaya seemed to falter, as though embarrassed by her own words. “Well, the two of you are obviously close, and… um… people wonder… well, some people do, anyway-”

“Niwa has a girlfriend,” Satoshi cut her off, hoping to end the interminable babbling before it went any further.

Takaya’s eyes widened at the interruption, but after a moment she seemed to collect her bearings. “I know,” she said steadily. “… And you don’t. You never have.”

“ _And?_ ”

“And, I just wanted to say that…” Takaya swallowed. “Well, if it _was_ like that… you’d probably save yourself a lot of trouble by telling people. We wouldn’t judge you- at least, most of us wouldn’t. I just… I thought maybe you needed to hear that,” she finished, mumbling a little.

Satoshi stared at her, mind whirling with a dozen different reactions. Some part of him knew she meant well, meant to be supportive, but it didn’t change the feeling that his privacy had been violated somehow - that she had dragged into the open something that should have stayed well hidden.

“I didn’t,” he said coolly, and then walked off before she could say another word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd hope this would go without saying, but obviously, you should absolutely NOT try this approach with people you think might be gay in real life! As Satoshi surmises, Aiko means well, but meaning well and handling it well are two very different things.


	2. Confessions

Days later, Satoshi still found himself thinking about the encounter.

It was unsettling. He had always liked to think that he kept his emotions firmly under control, at least staying outwardly impassive despite whatever turmoil might be going on within. People tended to label him as cold and unapproachable, sometimes going so far as to wonder if he had emotions at all, and he liked it that way. In his experience, laying your true emotions bare to the world meant leaving yourself dangerously vulnerable.

To know that people had seen past his facade, then - seen feelings he had meant to keep safely suppressed - was unnerving. He was angry, and while it was tempting to direct the feeling at Takaya or his classmates for invading his privacy, he knew that the person he truly blamed most was himself. He could not afford lapses like that - not with Krad always at the edges of his mind, waiting to take control, and not with his father’s sharp eyes perpetually watching. 

His conversation with Takaya stayed with him for other reasons as well, though, and he found himself thinking back on what she’d said: “ _If it_ was _like that… you’d probably save yourself a lot of trouble by telling people._ ”

He was not at all sure she was right about that, honestly. He might save himself the trouble of girls thinking they had a chance, but he knew enough about the world to know that he could easily bring on an entirely different world of trouble. While Takaya’s optimism was sweet, he was fairly certain she overestimated just how accepting the rest of the class was. Not all of the whispers he’d heard were lighthearted giggles - some of them had a nasty edge, even a cruel one, and he was not eager to see how that nastiness might escalate if rumor were replaced with solid confirmation.

Still, he was surprised that the idea had never occurred to him before at all. Perhaps it was because he was still unused to thinking about his sexuality in those terms. He had spent his life trying not to care about anyone, romantically or otherwise, and at first he had simply been frustrated (and rather alarmed) to realize he was capable of such feelings at all. The fact that those feelings were directed toward Daisuke, the boy he had been raised to think of as his greatest enemy, just complicated the situation all the more. 

At the time, that had seemed far more significant than the genders of anyone involved, or the implications thereof. He hadn’t been thinking of things in terms of ‘ _I’m gay,_ ’ or ‘ _I’m straight,_ ’ but simply ‘ _I can’t be feeling this way._ ’

Over time, he had been able to mull over it more, considering the applicability of various labels. But it still felt like a rather tertiary concern for someone who didn’t expect to have any kind of romantic life, or even a real future.

Nevertheless… it was a part of him. And he was surprised to realize that there _was_ something appealing in the idea of having it out in the open. Not to the whole class - the idea of making his personal feelings public in that way was abhorrent to him, besides the numerous reasons it was a bad idea. If he was honest, there was really only one person he wanted to tell. And it was startling, too, to realize there was no reason he _couldn’t_ do it if he wanted to. His feelings for Daisuke needed to stay a secret at all costs, even - and especially - from Daisuke himself, but there was no particular reason his sexual orientation needed to.

He wasn’t sure how his friend would take such a confession, but Daisuke was so good-hearted that Satoshi couldn’t imagine him being a genuine bigot. He would be surprised, most likely, but it would hardly be the first or last time he was struck off-balance by something Satoshi said to him.

The more Satoshi thought about it, the more he found himself wanting to tell Daisuke the truth. 

* * *

“... And Takaya-san is pretty nice, you know,” Daisuke was saying. “She and Riku-san are friends, so I know her a bit, and you could really do a lot worse-”

It had been nearly two weeks since Satoshi first contemplated the idea of confiding in Daisuke, and he still hadn’t found an opportunity to do it. After wavering for a while, weighing pros and cons and second-guessing himself more than he liked to admit, he had pretty much resolved to go ahead with it. Finding a chance to bring it up, however, was another matter entirely. Truthfully, he had very little idea how to even begin approaching such a conversation.

Now, though, Daisuke seemed to have brought up the topic for him. Satoshi still wasn’t fully convinced that what he was about to say wasn’t a terrible mistake, but if he let the moment pass he wasn’t sure he’d ever muster the nerve again, and-

“I don’t like girls,” he blurted out, before he had the chance to think better of it.

Daisuke, unfazed at the interruption, merely rolled his eyes at this. “Do you like _anyone_?”

 _I like you,_ was dangerously close to the tip of his tongue, but Satoshi wasn’t quite reckless enough to say it, even if he tried to pass it off as a weird joke.

“Sometimes,” he said instead, shortly. “But not girls.”

Daisuke frowned. “Listen, Hiwatari-kun - I know you like to pretend you’re some big misanthrope and you don’t care about anyone, but that’s no reason to be _sexist_.”

Satoshi closed his eyes.

He knew Daisuke was intelligent, that was the thing. He had seen him disable state-of-the-art security systems and hack into multi-encrypted databases in a matter of minutes. He had also seen him pierce through to the truth of a situation, with the kind of keen emotional intelligence Satoshi himself couldn’t begin to approach, often leaving would-be enemies utterly disarmed.

It was important for Satoshi to remind himself of these things at moments like this, when he found himself wondering how he had fallen in love with _the biggest idiot on the planet_.

“Not ‘I don’t like girls’ in the misogynist sense, Niwa,” he said, with as much patience as he could muster. “In the… homosexual one.”

“ _Oh_.” 

Daisuke had suddenly gone very, very red, though Satoshi wasn’t sure how to interpret the reaction. Was he embarrassed by the very idea? Uncomfortable with it? Or simply flustered by his earlier misunderstanding?

The fact that Daisuke seemed to have lost the ability for further speech didn’t make such interpretations easier, and Satoshi felt a painful stab of uncertainty go through him.

“Does it… bother you?” he asked, hating himself for how small his voice sounded.

“No!!!” Daisuke seemed to shake himself out of whatever daze he’d been in, waving his hands vigorously in denial. “No, of course not! I just- I guess I’m surprised, that’s all. But it makes sense, really - you never did seem interested in any of those girls. You never really seemed interested in boys, either, though,” he added, thoughtfully.

“I’m not usually interested in anyone,” Satoshi agreed.

Daisuke glanced at him sideways, and- yes, _there_ was the piercing intelligence, the emotional perceptiveness Satoshi found at once impressive and discomfiting. “But you are sometimes,” he said.

Satoshi had a sinking feeling where this line of questioning might lead, but he couldn’t see any way to deny Daisuke’s statement, not in light of everything he’d just confessed.

“… Yes,” was all he said, bracing himself for what might come next.

Sure enough, Daisuke’s lips parted in a question, but then he seemed to think better of it. His eyes scanned Satoshi’s face, and perhaps whatever he saw there gave him pause, because he closed his mouth again and dropped his gaze. 

When he looked back up again, Daisuke’s eyes were clear. “Thank you for telling me, Hiwatari-kun,” he said earnestly. “I... I know you don’t usually talk about stuff like that.”

Satoshi made a noise of agreement. 

“If you don’t mind me asking, um…” Daisuke swallowed. “Why tell me this now?”

There were many answers to that, some that Satoshi didn’t quite know how to put into words. He was a person who valued truth but by necessity lived a life of secrecy, keeping most of himself hidden from the people around him. And when it came to his relationship with Daisuke, sometimes it felt like there was nothing but barrier after barrier between them - an endless blockade of tacit rules and ugly history and unspoken fears that he could never seem to break through, despite the aching desire to be close.

Now, he had removed one barrier. Perhaps it wouldn’t make much difference in the end. But he felt lighter for it, all the same.

“Friends tell each other things,” he said. “Don’t they?”

The way Daisuke beamed in response made his heart flip over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaand, that's all there is for now! Though I may go back and write a second part from Daisuke's perspective later. In the meantime, I hope you enjoyed this, and please let me know what you think! :-)


	3. Attraction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much to @Twobit for being an awesome beta for this chapter!

Satoshi was impossibly handsome when he laughed.

* * *

It wasn’t that Daisuke hadn’t noticed his looks when they first met. Even at thirteen, Satoshi had been a strikingly pretty boy, and that combined with his obvious intelligence and maturity had easily drawn the attention of his classmates. But he had also seemed about as soft and approachable as a block of concrete, and that had made Daisuke want to keep his distance.

It wasn’t until they began spending more time together, when the first tentative tendrils of a friendship began to grow, that Daisuke began to see a change. Teasing little smirks, at first, but with a warmth behind them that seemed to belie the boys’ supposed enmity. Then tiny, hesitant quirks of the lips, barely visible if you weren’t looking closely. There would be a shy earnestness in his eyes at those moments, so utterly different from the cool and confident facade he usually wore that it made something warm and protective flutter in Daisuke’s chest. He felt as though each of those tiny, hesitant smiles was a gift he’d been given, something Satoshi trusted to him and no one else, and he held each one close to him.

But still, Satoshi never really _smiled_. Not fully. Not as months and months went by, even as the boys seemed to be growing closer in so many other ways. It was as though Satoshi could never truly let his guard down, never let himself totally relax in the moment. There was always a barrier between them, a certain tenseness in Satoshi’s shoulders that never quite went away.

A typically blunt question began the conversation which changed that.

“Will you remember me when I’m gone?”

Daisuke looked up, alarmed by the question. Though they spent hours together each week, researching ways to end the curse, it was rare for Satoshi to discuss his own impending death. It weighed heavily on both of their minds, Daisuke knew, the ticking clock always ominously above them, but he had assumed Satoshi preferred not to dwell on something so depressing.

He wasn’t bothered by Satoshi bringing it up now - might even have welcomed it - but it disturbed him to hear Satoshi refer to his death as a foregone conclusion. As though he’d given up all hope that they could change anything.

“What kind of question is that?” he asked, fear making his voice sharper than he’d meant it to be.

“I’m not asking whether you’ll literally forget.” Satoshi’s face, when Daisuke looked at him, was drawn and pale, and the dark circles under his eyes seemed deeper than ever. “But I’ve spent my life trying to cut myself off from everyone around me, and now… I keep thinking about dying with no one who truly knows me. No one to remember me as anything but a boy who was cold and lifeless long before he went into his coffin.”

Satoshi’s voice was utterly flat and monotone, and Daisuke felt his alarm grow.

“I wouldn’t think of you that way,” he said vehemently. “But it doesn’t matter, because we’re going to save you. You’re going to live a long and happy life, and there will be lots of people who know you. You have to believe that, Hiwatari-kun!”

Satoshi shrugged, looking more exhausted than ever. “Maybe,” he said listlessly. “But maybe not, Niwa. We might not be able to change anything, not in time. I have to be prepared for the possibility that I might not have much longer left. _You_ have to be prepared for it, too. You need to accept-”

“I will _not_ accept that!” Daisuke interrupted, dangerously close to yelling. He grabbed Satoshi’s wrist and shook him, trying to snap him out of whatever deathly lethargy seemed to have taken over him. “I _won’t_ just sit back and plan for what I’ll do when I lose you, because I _won’t let that happen_!”

“But-”

Daisuke’s fingers tightened around his friend’s wrist, and when their eyes met, something seemed to change.

“ _I won’t let anything take you away from me, Satoshi_ ,” he said.

Satoshi’s eyes widened, and a hush fell between them, Daisuke’s words seeming to still ring in the air. Impossibly, Satoshi’s cheeks seemed to turn slightly pink.

“You have to believe me,” Daisuke said softly.

The blush deepened, and then, to Daisuke’s utter shock, Satoshi actually smiled. A real, genuine smile that spread across his face and seemed to light up his wan features.

“I- I do,” he stammered, and his voice was tinged with something close to awe.

* * *

It was another several months later that Daisuke found himself back at the art museum. It was in the daytime, for once, and he was there not as a thief but just as another visitor. Free to admire the beauty around him with no ulterior motive.

He walked through the familiar galleries, a sense of wonder filling him at the skill and artistry displayed on those walls. Yet he couldn’t escape a shadow of uneasiness too, and an increasingly-familiar stab of guilt as he walked past an empty space or hastily-replaced display. _Is this really the person I want to be?_

“Planning your next heist?”

Daisuke jumped at the unexpected voice behind him, but he could feel a smile spread across his face even before he’d fully turned around. It was strange - he could remember a time when a comment like that from Satoshi would have sent him into a complete freakout. Yet somehow, it had become almost an inside joke between them, comfortable banter and nothing more.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” he teased.

Satoshi gave a flicker of a smile - those seemed to come more frequently these days - and slid his hands into his pockets. “I’ll figure you out, Niwa,” he said easily. “I’ve got my eye on you.”

The two boys fell naturally in step beside each other, walking together through the high-domed galleries.

“Planning to follow me around the museum all day, huh?”

“Naturally. How else can I undermine your dastardly criminal schemes?”

Daisuke laughed, but that feeling of uneasy guilt was back, settling uncomfortably in the pit of his stomach. Satoshi never confronted him about his thefts, never brought it up at all in a way that wasn’t snarky or teasing. But Daisuke couldn’t help wondering what Satoshi truly thought of him for it. Most of the things he stole were made by Satoshi’s own family, after all - some, no doubt, rightfully belonged to Satoshi himself. How could a part of him _not_ think less of Daisuke for it?

“I never wanted this,” he blurted out suddenly, turning to look up at his friend. “Being a thief.”

Satoshi just looked at him thoughtfully, blue eyes calm and appraising behind his glasses. “No,” he said. “You didn’t, did you?”

“I just-” Daisuke swallowed. “I wasn’t given a choice.”

There was no judgment in Satoshi’s gaze, but Daisuke still found it uncomfortably piercing. “But aren’t you the one who says that we always have a choice?” he said slowly. “That we can always try to change things?”

“I guess you’re right.” Daisuke had never thought of it that way, exactly, but he found his thoughts rearranging themselves around the idea.

“We are not our ancestors, Daisuke,” Satoshi said, his eyes now fixed on a painting high above their heads. “I like to think we have a chance not to repeat their mistakes.”

“I’m not so sure who I want to be,” Daisuke admitted. “But I do know that… I want to help bring something beautiful to the world. Not just be someone who takes and takes and takes.”

He stared at the painting in front of him, a scene of a harbor at sunset. The setting sun reflected off the water, making the whole canvas into a blaze of golden light, and looking at it made Daisuke catch his breath. There was magic to art like that, he thought, which had nothing to do with the supernatural.

“I’d like to do something like _that_ ,” he said, gesturing at it. “… Not that I could ever paint like that,” he added ruefully.

“No one is born being able to paint like that,” Satoshi said pointedly.

Daisuke gave him a wry glance. “You were.”

But Satoshi shook his head. “I was born with… technical ability, nothing more. Real art is about more than that. The most perfect technique in the world means nothing if your art has no emotion, no heart. You can learn technique - yours isn’t bad, and it can get better. But you can’t learn to have the soul of an artist.”

Daisuke hoped the heat in his face wasn’t visible, but he didn’t think the chances of it were high. “And you think that I…”

“You do.”

* * *

They spent several hours more in the museum, conversation flowing easily between them. Daisuke was amazed, listening to his comments, at the breadth of Satoshi’s knowledge about art, but the other boy brushed him off when he said as much.

“I was trained for this, just as you were trained in your family’s traditions,” he said dismissively. “I was studying art before I was even old enough to talk.”

“It’s still impressive, though.” Daisuke thought again of what Satoshi had said about choices. Thought of Satoshi’s child self, barely more than a baby, bent over art books he couldn’t properly understand yet. And of his own childhood, learning to pick locks and navigate death traps for a purpose he was never told. Neither of them had ever really been given a choice, had they?

Maybe they had a chance to change that, now.

“I suppose.” Satoshi shrugged. “Most of the time, I found it rather boring.”

“You think art is boring?” It certainly hadn’t seemed that way, in the hours they’d spent talking together.

“Not art…” he frowned, seeming to mull it over. “The Hikari perspective on art, perhaps. It’s as though my ancestors were obsessed with creativity, and yet they were the most narrow and rigid people you could possibly imagine.”

Daisuke nodded. That certainly fit with what he knew about the Hikari family and their history. It occurred to him that most people probably thought of Satoshi as narrow and rigid, too, and yet when he looked at the boy beside him, Daisuke thought he couldn’t be further from it.

“Do you even _like_ Hikari art?” Satoshi asked suddenly, turning to him. “Would you have wanted to go after it, if it was your choice?”

“Are you asking if your family’s art is…” Daisuke had to repress a disbelieving laugh. It was so utterly _Satoshi_ to just come out and ask something like that. “... To my _taste_ , as a thief?”

Satoshi looked amused. “I’m curious, that’s all.”

Daisuke tilted his head to the side, taking the time to consider the question properly. “They’re certainly beautiful,” he said, after a moment. “And… powerful. And there’s something… _entrancing_ about them, too. I can understand why my ancestors were so obsessed with them. But a lot of them are unsettling, in a way. Even creepy...”

He broke off, horrified as he remembered who he was talking to. “N-not that your family’s art is creepy!” he backtracked. “I mean, it kinda feels that way sometimes, but it’s probably just the magic and that stuff is always going wrong with them, and anyway they’re really incredible and I wasn’t trying to insult them or-”

It took him a moment to realize that Satoshi’s shoulders were shaking with laughter.

He had put a hand over his mouth, as though to hold the laugh in, but after a moment he seemed to give up, and peal after peal of helpless mirth burst out of him.

“Were you- were you worried about _offending_ me?” he gasped, breathless. “ _Daisuke_. You could tear my entire family to pieces, and everything they’ve ever created, and I would agree with every word.”

Daisuke could only stare at him. He was utterly taken aback, but the only thought that would hold itself clearly in his mind was that he’d never seen Satoshi looking so happy. It seemed to transform his whole being, making him look truly young and carefree for the first time in Daisuke's memory.

And he was beautiful. Not cute, and not good-looking, but stunningly and breathtakingly beautiful.

Daisuke’s heart, which hadn’t been entirely steady throughout the day, suddenly seemed as though it was about to beat right out of his chest. His pulse was pounding in his ears, and he abruptly knew with an all-too-familiar certainty that he needed to get out of the museum _now_.

He glanced around the room, panic-stricken.

He knew the quickest exits from every point in the building - could have recited them in his sleep. If he needed to, he could be outside in a few short seconds. But what could he possibly say to explain himself?

Satoshi was, of course, one of the few people Daisuke could have simply told the truth to. Perhaps the _only_ one who would have truly understood. But Daisuke’s heart, hammering wildly, seemed to tell him that he would be admitting more than he was ready to if he said it out loud.

The smile had vanished from Satoshi’s face, and Daisuke felt a twist of guilt at the concern that replaced it. “Are you alright, Niwa?”

“I- I’m fine.” Damn it, _damn it,_ what could he possibly say? “I, uhhhh, I… have to go now.”

He _definitely_ did not want to think about the hurt look that came into Satoshi’s eyes. Which made it unfortunate that it was the last thing he saw as he raced out of the building.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, this chapter was an absolute BLAST to write. I loved getting to write some fluff and banter between these two, and also have some more serious conversations which (hopefully) showcase some of the reasons they're are so good for each other. I hope you guys enjoy it as well!
> 
> A huge thanks to everyone who's been kind enough to comment on the first two chapters - you were a big part of making me want to go back and write more, and hopefully take this little story of mine in some more interesting directions. There'll be at least a few more chapters coming, so don't worry - I wouldn't leave you guys on a cliffhanger like that!


	4. Questions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to Twobit for helping out!

It wasn’t until Daisuke was most of the way home, his heart slamming against his ribs and his thoughts whirling wildly in his head, that he finally paused to catch his breath.

_What the hell was that?_

_‘You really need me to answer that?’_ a familiarly sardonic voice replied.

_‘But I… I don’t transform around Satoshi!’_

That wasn’t, if Daisuke was honest with himself, strictly true. There had been close calls in the past, which had become all the more frequent in recent months. But it had been easy to chalk those instances up to the situation, not the person he happened to be with. Satoshi, after all, had habits that would fluster anyone, always cornering Daisuke against walls and saying disarming things. Anyone would react in a scenario like that. It didn’t mean anything.

Or so he’d liked to tell himself.

The truth was a gnarlier thing, and Daisuke wasn’t even sure where to start unraveling it. Maybe there had always been something there, from the time they had come into each other’s orbit, that he simply hadn’t recognized for what it was. Maybe it had begun in that moment which felt so long ago now, when Satoshi had found him with his heart in pieces and lent him a handkerchief. Or maybe something had changed when they went after Argentine together, or after Daisuke’s relationship with Riku had fallen apart, or any other of a dozen times when things between them had seemed to shift.

Maybe all of those things were true, and where they were now was the result of countless, infinitesimal turning points in their relationship. Daisuke wasn’t quite sure. All he knew was that there were feelings there that he couldn’t deny anymore, and he had absolutely no idea what to do about it.

He sighed as he rounded the corner to his house, eyeing the front door wearily. He wasn’t sure what he was less in the mood for right now - death traps, or his mother’s overly bright smile and sharp gaze.

For a moment he considered avoiding home entirely and then, on a wild impulse, he went around to the side of the house. A few seconds later, he had easily scaled up the wall and slipped in silently through a second-floor window. 

He lay down on his bed, mind racing. His thoughts absorbed him so deeply, he barely noticed the half hour that passed before there was a forceful pounding at his door.

“Daisuke Niwa!! Mommy spent a long time working on those traps! That is _not_ an acceptable way to-”

“I got past them, didn’t I?” he called back.

There was a clicking sound at the door (no lock could keep a Niwa out for long), and a moment later his mother stepped into the room, her face nearly as red as her hair.

“What on earth do you think you’re doing?!” she asked.

Daisuke sat up, tensing. “I just wanted some peace and quiet for a while, that’s all,” he explained.

Part of him hoped she would ask him why. He didn’t have the faintest idea what he’d tell her if she did, but it would be nice to feel like she cared.

His mother frowned. “Well, you can’t rest for long,” was all she said. “You’re supposed to steal the Wings of Icarus at 6:30, and the museum is across town.”

“I’m not going.”

Emiko’s jaw dropped. “You’re _what_?!”

“I’m not going,” Daisuke repeated, calmly. “I told you, I need some time to think right now. I’ve got a lot on my mind.” 

“Don’t be ridiculous, sweetheart,” she said. “You have plenty of time to think. And you have to go - I’ve already sent out the notice, and think of what it could do to Dark’s reputation if he didn’t show up!”

Daisuke bit back a smile. “I think his ego can take it.”

“That isn’t the point!” His mother threw up her hands, frustrated. “You have a job to do, and you- you don’t get to have a _choice_ about this!”

“I do, actually. I’m choosing to take a night off.”

For a moment, she simply stared at him in disbelief. Then she grabbed Daisuke’s chin and tilted his face up towards hers, scanning it as though she could read his secrets there.

“What _is_ this?” she demanded. “Some kind of teenage rebellion?”

He resisted the urge to squirm out of her grasp. “No. I need a break, that’s all.”

“You need _to do as you’re told_!” 

“Mom,” Daisuke said, softly and firmly. “You’re not going to change my mind about this.”

Their eyes locked, and there was something almost bewildered in hers, beneath the anger. It occurred to Daisuke that she simply was not used to him refusing to back down. Having failed to argue him into submission, she had no script for what to do next.

After a tense moment she released him, abruptly enough that Daisuke fell back against the bed. Then she turned and stalked out of the room, still ranting as she went. Downstairs, Daisuke heard her voice, loud and outraged, joined by two others. Kosuke’s was soft and conciliatory, but Daisuke was pretty sure his grandfather was laughing.

He leaned back, letting out a breath he hadn’t quite exhaled since his mother had come into the room.

 _‘Good to know you care so much about my reputation,’_ Dark deadpanned.

Daisuke felt a sudden rush of worry. He knew his decision had been the right one, but he couldn’t stand the thought of Dark being upset at him on top of everything else. _‘Are you mad at me?'_

 _‘I’m not sure if I’m mad or impressed, honestly,’_ he admitted.

Daisuke reached over for his sketchbook and flipped it open, charcoal pencil flying across the paper. His mind was a mess of tangled thoughts right now, and he needed something to help him unwind and focus.

_‘Let me know when you figure it out.’_

* * *

That night Daisuke kept tossing and turning, playing the day’s events over and over in his mind. So much had happened, and he couldn’t stop second-guessing himself, questioning the decisions he’d made, wondering how to interpret everything. He felt as though he were at a crucial juncture in his life, where every decision he made might have lasting effects. And yet the thought that returned to his mind the most, always there when he closed his eyes, was what Satoshi had looked like when he laughed.

 _‘Will you quiet it down?'_ an annoyed voice came in his mind. _‘Some of us are trying to sleep, here!'_

 _‘I wasn’t saying anything!'_ Daisuke protested.

 _‘You’re thinking way too loudly_ , _’_ Dark grumbled. _‘Save your little gay panic identity crisis for the morning, will you?'_

Daisuke rolled onto his back and stared up at the ceiling, obligingly trying to quiet his thoughts. He needed the sleep too, he knew, and there were no easy answers to be found in just one night. But he still found the question nagging at his mind.

_‘Am I gay?’_

A huff. _‘I don’t know, are you?’_

Daisuke was fairly certain the answer to that question was “No.” He thought about Riku, with her fearless eyes and surprisingly sweet smile. When he thought back on their relationship, he had many regrets - he should have trusted her more, been more honest with her, opened up to her earlier. But his feelings for her had been genuine, he was certain of it. Just as the crushes he’d had on other girls throughout the years had been real.

 _‘I don’t think so,’_ he said, musing it over slowly in his mind. _‘I like girls. I always have. But… I’m starting to think that I…'_

_‘Have a thing for the four-eyed creep, yeah, I know.’_

_‘_ … _Like boys, too,'_ Daisuke corrected. 

_‘Yeah, so? That’s a thing. Some people like both. They even have a word for it now, I think.’_

_‘Bisexual.’_ Saying the word felt significant somehow, even if it was only in his own mind. Like trying on an unfamiliar suit of clothes, feeling as though he were playing dress-up and yet unsettled by how perfectly it fit him. 

_‘Is that what I am, Dark? Bisexual?'_

_‘If I say yes, will you let me go to sleep?'_ When Daisuke just rolled his eyes in response, the thief sighed. _‘I don’t know, Dai. It wouldn’t exactly surprise me if you were.’_

But it was a question Dark couldn’t answer for him, ultimately, Daisuke knew. His feelings were his own, and even Dark, who shared his thoughts and emotions in a way no one else ever would, couldn’t see everything in the depths of his heart. 

There was something freeing about that, though. This was a decision no one else could make for him, a role that no one could choose to assign him. In a life that Daisuke often felt was like following a script that had been written for him in advance, these were lines that he would write entirely on his own.

There were no easy answers to be found in just one night, it was true. But something had settled in his mind, and Daisuke breathed a contented sigh as he turned over and shut his eyes for the night.

  
  



End file.
